Rational Action

When my sleeping patterns are irregular, I experience sleep paralysis. When people ask me what that is, I explain that it’s basically when you wake up before your body does. You’re conscious, but your body is stuck in the dream state. The body does a nifty thing during dream sleep: it disables voluntary control of your muscles, making you paralyzed. Hence sleep paralysis. As long as you know what’s happening, it’s actually not scary.

As time has gone on, I have begun to experience sleep paralysis in a more advanced way. Sometimes, the feeling of being conscious occurs before my dream even ends. I think this is called lucid dreaming, but I don’t think what I experience quite fits the definition. Instead, I dream about falling asleep and waking up. I wake up within the dream, and I am often paralyzed in the dream. And so, last night:

I had gone to sleep fantastically early… 11:30 maybe? 12? I must have dropped quickly into the dream phase. In my dream I was basically lying on my back, but in class. I was fighting to stay awake, but I kept on losing… my eyes would shut and I would drift off into sleep. Then I would become somewhat awake again, and I would try valiantly to open up my eyes. But they were practically welded shut, and only with great effort could I open them.

My body of course was in an even worse state. My motion was limited. I recall finally getting up after so much effort, only to lose the ability to move once again. My standing body frozen, I expected to tip over and fall to the ground. But the rules of gravity were suspended and instead I floated to the floor, returning more or less to my old position, my head resting against the frame of a bed.

The whole dream I had a great sense of guilt, since I was in class but could not stay awake. I have this guilty feeling whenever I am sleepy in small classes, so this dream was really an interesting intersection between real life memories and sleep paralysis.

At some point I woke up; I believe that it came as I successfully forced open my eyes. I did not feel like I had been asleep… instead, what I had been dreaming felt more like an unpleasant experience from moments ago. And indeed it had been unpleasant. I remember feeling uncomfortable during the dream, and when I finally escaped from it, I continued to feel physically uncomfortable. This is a feeling I often have after experiencing sleep paralysis.

It is interesting how in the dream I was trying to open my eyes to keep awake in class. Often in sleep paralysis I am trying to open my eyes to wake up. Finally I succeed and wake up… in the dream I succeeded several times in opening my eyes, but the dream also ended with my eyes opening, I think.

Oh dear lord. I was just about to eat some breakfast when I realized that this dream was too weird to lose.

My first memory of the dream is of walking down some underground path with, yes, you guessed it, Senator John Kerry. We’re walking through this tunnel-esque area, it’s almost like a forest, dragging some part that was the underside of his car. What?

So we finally make it out and I’m confronted with my own car. But some woman wants to borrow it. I let her do so, and meanwhile Senator Kerry runs off in the field. I note that he’s a really fast runner. Then I want my car back, so I take my keys back from the lady. I argue with her that it’s 5AM and I have a 9-5 job, so I need to get back home. Two girls run by: they are from an earlier part of the dream that I can’t remember (although no, it wasn’t that kind of dream).

Somehow or another I’m in a city driving. At some point I park the car. When I return to it, I find the contents of my pocket (e.g. wallet, keys) strewn about on the ground. I think time passes in the dream, so as all this is happening, it’s getting later and later in the morning, and I want to get to sleep more and more.

I have no idea how this transition happens, but I end up on a bus, progressing towards home. I wake up (I do that in my dreams, eerie) and realize that I’m completely naked. Thankfully I don’t think anyone saw me. The bus makes some kind of signal that the last stop is approaching. I frantically try to put on some clothes before the bus stops. Then I wake up.

Another very odd experience. (Click on the “Dream” category link to see my other one) with sleep paralysis. This time I was taking an afternoon nap (it always happens with naps for me). I popped out of my dream and into semiconsciousness.

It actually took me a few seconds to realize I was paralyzed, since I often lay in my bed with my eyes closed as I wake up. I noticed a slight buzzing in my ears — I tend to hear that during these episodes. I attempted to move my limbs but no go. Then I tried to breathe faster, and noticed I couldn’t, and became slightly panicked. Actually, I think I might have had some control over my breathing. I noticed some control of my body coming back, in fact. Then the weird thing happened:

The buzzing in my ears increased, and I actually fell back further into the paralysis. I then made a more concerted effort to wake up, and did so successfully. I walked across the room and realized that I had only started napping 12 minutes earlier.

Well, I haven’t posted here in ages, and I probably won’t post for ages again. But here it goes. I just took a little nap and had a weird, weird dream, along with some weird associated experiences. Here is the part the general public gets to see. Don’t worry, it wasn’t too sexual.

All of the sudden my eyes were open. Physically open, I think. I tried to move my limbs but I couldn’t. In real life now, I THINK. I figured this was sleep paralysis. But on my wall I saw projected the movie, it was flickering a bit like it was on a movie theater screen or something. Again, I figured this was sleep paralysis, some sort of hallucination. There was pressure on my hands, maybe imagined but they might have been clasped together under the pillow (The feeling, however, was of my hands around the girl - something from the dream). Quickly, the image of the movie disappeared on my wall, and I regained the ability to move my limbs. I was looking at the wall which touches my bed, just lying there. It’s unclear to me what really happened there, when I was conscious and when I wasn’t.

What I know is that I saw the movie projected on the wall, and when the hallucination disappeared, I was left with the regular wall. So either 1) my brain knew what the wall looked like to begin with, or filled in the gaps after I opened my eyes or 2) I was semi-dreaming with my eyes open. I BELIEVE that I opened my eyes earlier, and so the hallucination left me, I regained control over my body, and there I sat. I wondered, as this was happening, if my eyes were really open. I seem to recall opening them, then seeing the hallucination.

I’m not sure if that makes me want to nap more or less.

The focus here is not on the dream but on what the fuck happened. It’s called sleep paralysis. You can google for it, and if you’re really adventurous you can google groups for it. What’s unclear to me is if I’m experiencing sleep paralysis or I’m just imagining it. Well, you judge.